I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
