her vagine was all disorganized.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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