I'm gonna have a badass scar
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
