He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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