I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
