She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Two words: blizzard sex
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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