I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I believe in your delicious
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
