Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
