So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
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