I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
