yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
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