k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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