Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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