please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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