Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
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You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize