you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
