It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
