we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
