Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize