Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
