I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
