she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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