it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
