Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
