I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
