dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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