right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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