he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
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Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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