you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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