Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
