I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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