I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
