u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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