Ketchup is God's man juice
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
