Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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