the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
