I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
