Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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