Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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