I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
