Princesses don't give blow jobs
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
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Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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