You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
