so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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