Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
