So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
