Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
