Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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