I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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