so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
