I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
