yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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