i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
