You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
