: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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