Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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