The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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