Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
