i may or may not be watching the land before time
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
