the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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