dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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