I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
