I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
