I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize