Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
