I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Enjoy the penises
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
