The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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