Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
