We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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